I was about to fling myself at him when his eyes suddenly snapped open.
"Ian?" I whispered.
"Wow," he said wearily, squinting up at the clouds as he wiggled one arm, then the other.
I fell back into a relieved heap, tears spiking my eyes. I may have shoved my brother off the side of a mountain, but I hadn't killed him. That had to count for something.
"Keep moving; eyes up here." I froze. The voice was British and much too close. "Hag's Head is a bit farther. Ooh, and look, there's a wedding going on up top. Everyone see the lovely bride? And . . . oh, my. I think she lost a bridesmaid. A tiny lavender bridesmaid. Hellooooo there, tiny lavender bridesmaid. Are you all right? Looks like you've had a fall."
I whipped around, my body tensed to unleash on whoever had just dubbed me "tiny lavender bridesmaid," but what I saw made me wish I was even tinier. Not only had Ian and I landed a lot closer to the walkway than I'd realized, but a tour guide sporting a cherry-red poncho and a wide-brimmed hat was leading a pack of enraptured tourists right past us. Except none of them were looking at the sweeping landscape or the lovely bride, who happened to be my aunt Mel. They were looking at me
. All thirty of them.
You'd think they'd never seen a midwedding fistfight before.
Act in control.
I straightened up, shoving my skirt down. "Just a little tumble," I said brightly. Yikes
. "Tumble" was not a typical part of my vocabulary. And whose robotic happy voice was coming out of my mouth?
The tour guide pointed her umbrella at me. "Did you really just fall down that big hill?"
"Looks like it," I said brightly, the thing I actually wanted to say brimming under the surface. No. I'm just taking a nap in a manure-coated dress
. I shifted my eyes to Ian. He appeared to be playing dead. Convenient.
"You're sure you're okay?"
This time I injected my voice with a heavy dose of now please go away
. "I'm sure."
It worked. The guide scowled at me for a moment and then lifted her umbrella, making clucking noises to the group, who begrudgingly shuffled forward like a giant, single-brained centipede. At least that was done with.
"You could have helped me out with the tour group," I called to Ian's motionless form.
He didn't respond. Typical. These days, unless he was cajoling me to come clean to our parents about what had happened this summer, he barely looked at me. Not that I could blame him. I could barely look at me, and I was the one who'd messed up in the first place.
A raindrop speckled down on me. Then another. Really? Now?
I shot a reproachful look at the sky and pulled my elbow in next to my face, cradling my head in my arm as I assessed my options. Apart from seeking shelter in one of the souvenir shops built into the hills like hobbit holes, my only other choice was to hike back up to the wedding party, which included my mother, whose rage was already sweeping the countryside. There was absolutely no way I was going to put myself in the line of fire before I had to.
I listened to the waves smash violently against the cliffs, the wind carrying a few snippets of voices over the top of the hill like the butterfly confetti we'd all thrown a few minutes earlier:
"Did you see that?"
"Are they okay?"
"I'm not okay!" I yelled, the wind swallowing up my words. I hadn't been okay for exactly one week and three days, which was when Cubby Jones—the boy I'd been sneaking out with all summer, the boy I had been in love with for what amounted to my entire teen life—had decided to crush my heart into a fine powder and then sprinkle it out over the entire football team. Ian
football team. No wonder he couldn't stand to look at me.
So no. I was most definitely not okay. And I wasn't going to be okay for a very, very long time.